worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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