Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
