i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
