Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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