She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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