Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
