i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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