I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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