Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
