Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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