Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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