I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
