Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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