i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
