i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
