What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
