1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
