So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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