How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
