Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just pee around me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
