I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
