I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize