the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
