Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
