I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
