Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
