I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize