drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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