Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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