I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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