2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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