i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
