Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
