So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
