ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
