i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
