Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
