i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
