the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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