I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
