wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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