Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
