I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
