i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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