I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
