Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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