Will you blow on my dice?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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