we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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