apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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