i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
