Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
