I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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