Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
