Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
