Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.