the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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