she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.