saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar