I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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