apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize