I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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