she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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