The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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