I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
