I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
