Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
