omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
