Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
