i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
