I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
